Blue Full Moon

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I am really growing to enjoy spreads like this.

I started with plain old kids washable markers…and I wrote and wrote and wrote about the things I am resisting that I need to let go of until I was finished…I sprayed it with a little bit of water.  Usually I grab white gesso here and throw on a light coat…instead I grabbed yellow oxide acrylic paint and used just a little bit of it here and there.

Then I let that dry…then the face appeared…and I love that face.  I am beginning to investigate colored pencil blended with different substances.  Slowly but surely.  I also use colored pencil under some paints and over them as well…

watermarked-blue moon july 2015

The message is very nearly integrated into the background…which is how it wanted to be…the integrative process is the key with me lately…

The message, in case you can’t read it, is: Open Wide…

 

 

He Who Has The Most Power

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A long time ago, many years, I turned to someone who was a mentor and someone I thought was a gifted leader…

I had clients with specific problems. I was having trouble answering their questions in a satisfactory way. I was having trouble giving them advice and exercises and methods to help them in their situations.

I asked a question of said mentor something along the lines of: in a situation where you have to live with someone who is grinding you down, and the harder you try to maintain your own sanity and your own life, the worse things get, what do you do? How do you stay you? Basically.

I cannot remember exactly what I asked her at this point—I have been so disturbed by what she said all these years…and I am just now coming to a place where I can take what she said…and work with it, without going bonkers crazy angry over her response.

This spiritual leader and teacher basically told me, your clients are screwed. Obviously their partners are more powerful than they are. He who has the most power prevails.

Wait. WHAT?

So every woman in an abusive situation is just screwed and should just give up and take it. There is no way out. ?????

So every person in a relationship that is intolerable should simply endure it because there is no way out because the other person is stronger, has a stronger personality, whatever. ?????

Are you kidding me?
Are you sick?
Are you evil?
Do you have no compassion?
WTF?

This was a spiritual guru…along the lines in some circles as, say, the Pope, or the Dalai Lama…this was a Wise Woman…
her off-hand, nonchalant, don’t really give a sh*t response—it floored me…and I left that community for good that night…I have never looked back…because that bullsh*t is not anything I want to be a part of in any way.

There is always a way out. There is always something. He who has the most toys—still dies at the end and has to leave his toys here when he passes over, so his power is really not my issue.

It took me a long long time to see the truth of the situation.

I do not want to go too into detail because these are clients and I do not want to put the details out in any way…but, I have to give you something to help you understand the very basics of these scenarios. It is something we as women seem to fall into a great deal.

We enter a relationship, fully who we are, and ever time our own light gets dulled. Sometimes it gets put out. We go along with things to make the other person happy, to make things easier, to not cause strife…whatever…

But that is the thing…the other person is really stronger than we are…we are giving our power away. We are denying our power. We are putting our power away.

My clients were all much stronger and more powerful than their spouses/family members/etc etc etc.
Maybe at one point they recognized and understood that fact…but then, they forgot.

They found themselves stuck in places where they were minimized, marginalized and set aside…spaces where they felt trapped and powerless, without options, without choices.

Would you go back to these women and say, hey, the person who I go to for advice says you are just screwed and learn to live with it?

No. Way.

I went back to my clients and I worked with them on boundaries and self-care and whatever else I could think of that would bolster their own self-esteem and self-worth.

You cannot change anyone else. Not ever. Stop trying to think of things that way right now.
They may change for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even longer…but eventually the real them will out. Just as you feel trapped by circumstances, at some point so will they, and they will take back who they really are…and if they started out as an a**hole, guess what you will end up with…you guessed it…

However, if you change yourself, if you work on yourself, if you rebuild and reconnect with yourself…that is it. You reconnect with who you are. Who you were. Who you want to be. You find ways to build and strengthen your power.

You can live with a monster and still be a saint. You can be the calm in the eye of a huge storm of nasty. The people you live with do not have to destroy your entire life or who you are.

That only happens when you let them.

I understand I have a toddler and I have made choices to be present for him, which means letting go of making it to all my classes, which means having to put things up out of his reach and, ya know, not being able to find them again until he’s about twenty because they are put up so safely so well…

I have to paint at night, in a small space…in a very limited amount of time. I do what I can with that limited time, limited space and in the dark…and I tell myself, sometimes, yes, to my chagrin, that one day I will have a decent studio space that actually has light so that I can see, where I have space, where all my supplies are not just where I can see them, but where I can reach them as I need them…and if I do this work I am doing now…just imagine how nice and how beautiful it will be when I can actually see…and when I have access to all my tools…

We can make choices that put us in difficult situations…without giving up who we are inside…without giving away our power…without becoming someone we deeply dislike. It takes work. It is something we have to work at every single day. That is a choice.
You have to make that choice, over and over and over, every day.

Sometimes you have to make that choice every second, every minute, every breath…but by becoming aware that you have a choice to make and deciding what choice you are making—that gives you the power.

Don’t ever forget that.

He Who Has The Most Power

Gallery

A long time ago, many years, I turned to someone who was a mentor and someone I thought was a gifted leader…

I had clients with specific problems. I was having trouble answering their questions in a satisfactory way. I was having trouble giving them advice and exercises and methods to help them in their situations.

I asked a question of said mentor something along the lines of: in a situation where you have to live with someone who is grinding you down, and the harder you try to maintain your own sanity and your own life, the worse things get, what do you do? How do you stay you? Basically.

I cannot remember exactly what I asked her at this point—I have been so disturbed by what she said all these years…and I am just now coming to a place where I can take what she said…and work with it, without going bonkers crazy angry over her response.

This spiritual leader and teacher basically told me, your clients are screwed. Obviously their partners are more powerful than they are. He who has the most power prevails.

Wait. WHAT?

So every woman in an abusive situation is just screwed and should just give up and take it. There is no way out. ?????

So every person in a relationship that is intolerable should simply endure it because there is no way out because the other person is stronger, has a stronger personality, whatever. ?????

Are you kidding me?
Are you sick?
Are you evil?
Do you have no compassion?
WTF?

This was a spiritual guru…along the lines in some circles as, say, the Pope, or the Dalai Lama…this was a Wise Woman…
her off-hand, nonchalant, don’t really give a sh*t response—it floored me…and I left that community for good that night…I have never looked back…because that bullsh*t is not anything I want to be a part of in any way.

There is always a way out. There is always something. He who has the most toys—still dies at the end and has to leave his toys here when he passes over, so his power is really not my issue.

It took me a long long time to see the truth of the situation.

I do not want to go too into detail because these are clients and I do not want to put the details out in any way…but, I have to give you something to help you understand the very basics of these scenarios. It is something we as women seem to fall into a great deal.

We enter a relationship, fully who we are, and ever time our own light gets dulled. Sometimes it gets put out. We go along with things to make the other person happy, to make things easier, to not cause strife…whatever…

But that is the thing…the other person is really stronger than we are…we are giving our power away. We are denying our power. We are putting our power away.

My clients were all much stronger and more powerful than their spouses/family members/etc etc etc.
Maybe at one point they recognized and understood that fact…but then, they forgot.

They found themselves stuck in places where they were minimized, marginalized and set aside…spaces where they felt trapped and powerless, without options, without choices.

Would you go back to these women and say, hey, the person who I go to for advice says you are just screwed and learn to live with it?

No. Way.

I went back to my clients and I worked with them on boundaries and self-care and whatever else I could think of that would bolster their own self-esteem and self-worth.

You cannot change anyone else. Not ever. Stop trying to think of things that way right now.
They may change for a few days, a few weeks, maybe even longer…but eventually the real them will out. Just as you feel trapped by circumstances, at some point so will they, and they will take back who they really are…and if they started out as an a**hole, guess what you will end up with…you guessed it…

However, if you change yourself, if you work on yourself, if you rebuild and reconnect with yourself…that is it. You reconnect with who you are. Who you were. Who you want to be. You find ways to build and strengthen your power.

You can live with a monster and still be a saint. You can be the calm in the eye of a huge storm of nasty. The people you live with do not have to destroy your entire life or who you are.

That only happens when you let them.

I understand I have a toddler and I have made choices to be present for him, which means letting go of making it to all my classes, which means having to put things up out of his reach and, ya know, not being able to find them again until he’s about twenty because they are put up so safely so well…

I have to paint at night, in a small space…in a very limited amount of time. I do what I can with that limited time, limited space and in the dark…and I tell myself, sometimes, yes, to my chagrin, that one day I will have a decent studio space that actually has light so that I can see, where I have space, where all my supplies are not just where I can see them, but where I can reach them as I need them…and if I do this work I am doing now…just imagine how nice and how beautiful it will be when I can actually see…and when I have access to all my tools…

We can make choices that put us in difficult situations…without giving up who we are inside…without giving away our power…without becoming someone we deeply dislike. It takes work. It is something we have to work at every single day. That is a choice.
You have to make that choice, over and over and over, every day.

Sometimes you have to make that choice every second, every minute, every breath…but by becoming aware that you have a choice to make and deciding what choice you are making—that gives you the power.

Don’t ever forget that.

The Manifestation Series

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If you follow me on instagram or watch my instagram posts on facebook…then you know I recently completed what I have been calling the Manifestation Series.

Originally, I thought it was supposed to be a five canvas series. I guess technically I could call the Surrender piece that I did with Painting the Feminine a part of this series…when I created it, I did have a set intention…

With this set of canvases…I had very particular intentions…which I am not making public at this time…but every single canvas started with affirming those intentions and allowing the piece to come together.

What I love about this series is – every piece is hanging up on my walls right now…no matter where I go, I see one of these canvases and that is my touchstone …every time I see one of the canvases, I add more energy into those intentions…every time I see one, I feel the connection and I know it is just a matter of time until I achieve my goals…and that is such a beautiful thing.

Only one of the four has open eyes…she hangs in my bedroom, where she is among the first and the last things I see every day…and I see her frequently throughout the day as I walk back and forth to the master bathroom…

The other three have closed eyes…and they hang in what I have come to understand is a grid surrounding my normal workspace/work area…these three specifically are hanging with closed eyes, singing, like La Loba, singing over the broken scattered bones of who I used to be, singing the flesh of who I want to be, who I plan to be, onto those bones the bones come together, knitting together to create my new life…

I love the idea that I cast a circle by hanging these four pieces…I love that these four pieces are singing and praying for me and holding space for those intentions…

Here are the four images:

watermarked-P1080108 watermarked-P1080133 watermarked-P1080154 watermarked-P1080188

Primitive Faces

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Tania Bain has given us a most amazing class via Jeanne Oliver’s site…a class called Nature’s Canvas.

Before I say anything else, I want to point out that the focus of this class is: gathering sticks, stones and leaves to paint faces on so that you can take your stick, stone and leaf back into the forest or along the trail and release it back into the wild.

I cannot imagine a better methodology of paying it forward than this.

The idea is so amazing, so powerful…I love it.

Now…Tania teaches, so clearly and with a wonderful attitude and joy, how to create three types of faces: whimsical, realistic and primitive.

I actually signed up because I was interested in learning more about creating primitive faces than anything else.

Tania takes you through each style of face, first on a piece of paper…and then on a piece of wood…
She teaches you how to prepare the wood for paint…and how to seal your work once you are done in order to protect it…

The techniques I learned in this class were … oh, I cannot say enough good things…

But—this class also piqued my desire to create and explore more primitive faces.

Expect to see more little primitive girls peeking out here and there.

In case you don’t know what a primitive face is…it is minimal facial detail, minimal detail and shading…primitive…but these little things are so … amazing and so open for exploration…

I already have the basis for a new journal ready to bind together … with the intention that this journal will be for practicing primitive faces for the next 30 or so days…

I will let you know how this turns out.

Blessings.

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Inspiration Wednesday Check-In

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I love Donna Downey.

I am so grateful that Effy Wild “introduced” me to Donna and to her work…

This year, I bought the Inspiration Wednesday class…

I also bought the how to make the inspiration journal video tutorial thingy…which I dearly love.

Never did I think that I would do every single spread that Donna does for IW, nor did I even hope to think of buying all the cool supplies that Donna uses…

It’s not too hard; Donna uses a lot of … stickers and stencils and other things that I don’t much care for…so I never thought, oh yes, I have to have absolutely everything that Donna has…or, oh yes, I am going to create a spread every time just like Donna does it…I knew better…and I was ok with that…

About two, maybe three, months ago…I took my IW journal apart…which I have to tell you was both cool and satisfying…all I had to do was clip the two ribbons that held the two signatures in and out they came—I did actually retie the ribbons and I put the two signatures in a plastic bag for later use…in what way I have no clue…but I do have them waiting…a completely empty signature and one nearly full…

Now—please keep in mind—I am in no way saying anything negative about Donna…I knew signing up that most of what I would get out of her IW class was … actual inspiration…I cannot tell you how many little tips or little techniques or something cool I saw Donna do that I applied elsewhere in my artwork or art journalling or something…which is the entire point for me.

Not to mention, I get the biggest kick listening to Donna talk…I love her…she is just so real…and listening to her say things that I would say…and doing things just to see if she likes it and not being afraid of screwing something up…or pointing out her OCD-isms…hey, I love the woman…

Even if I never create a spread based on what Donna teaches in any of her IW videos, I will keep buying this class…because the encouragement that I get listening to her is far far worth the cost of admission for me.