Julia Cameron suggests writing three pages of stream of consciousness writing first thing in the mornings.
I have always had issues with morning pages in one way or another.
Please, do not get me wrong—I highly recommend morning pages…and I do write them…sometimes I have to do them differently than the original assignment or suggestion by Julia Cameron.
My issues with writing morning pages flip-flop.
Originally, I decided to write until I was done…that could take all day, off and on…or it could take hours in one sitting…which was doable long before my youngest came along—not so much after he got here.
Then I decided to limit my writing…to twenty minutes…and yes, when I am on a roll I can indeed write more than three pages of hand-written gobbledygook in twenty minutes.
But…that wasn’t what Julia said…and I can be a stickler for the rules when I want to…so I went back to three pages…and three pages only.
Except – in the past year, I have begun to notice this trend with myself…I am using those limits to stop myself from really getting into things…as in…I will write junk junk junk junkety junk junk junk…and then on page two near the bottom I start to get into something good…or maybe it’s the middle of page three…and as soon as I come to that last empty line of page three…oops, gotta stop right there because I have reached the limit…it’s over…done…
There are a number of reasons to do this, for me anyway.
I do not want to commit to paper what is really in my heart. I don’t ever want to re-read it. I don’t want my kids to read it. I don’t want anyone else to read it.
Better—I do not want to have to admit what is in my heart that wants to come out. I don’t want to face the truth or deal with the truth.
And that isn’t good.
I have been avoiding too much for too long…and it is time to stop.
So—I will write two or three pages at a time, regardless of day or night. I write what is on my mind. Then I let it go. Whoever reads it years from now, if it still exists, because after so long I usually destroy my journals anyway, so be it.
For really big stuff…I write in my journal—then I write in an art journal – and then I collage and paint all over it in order to transmute it.
Take a practice. Adapt it to your own needs. Make it what you need it to be.