My Truth Is My Own…

Gallery

Relate 2015...Relate this year has been an intensely interesting … so intense all together…last year, even though the whole I (literally) lost my eyesight and it took me weeks to recover…there was a lot going on with me because of Relate…this year, I started Relate making sure I kept putting eye drops in my eyes to keep the same issue from happening again…until it started to happen again…lol…this time I surely did it to myself while attempting to make certain it didn’t happen again.  Too many eye drops–even though it was only two per day…once I stopped doing that, my vision did improve.

Instead of freaking out as my eyes grew weaker–and yes, since last year, this is something I am very conscious of as it does happen frequently now, but not so badly that I have lost my vision again (thankfully)–I stopped…and I listened…I picked up my journal and I had a discussion with my eyes…and funny, part of the issue really was Relate…

Because it came down to–what is it exactly that I do not want to see…this is not a question specific to Relate in any way…but Relate asks you, teaches you to be honest with yourself, to embrace your own truth…and there are days when Truth and Honesty are not … they are not the prettiest gals at the ball, shall we say?

I had to sit with that…for four, five, maybe even six days…and then I pulled out my art journal…and I started to play with paints…once those first layers were dry, I took a bright neon pink paint pen and around the outer border, all the way around the two-page spread, I wrote: my truth is my own…over and over and over…and then…I added more paint, more colors, more textures…

Finally I felt called to create a sketch, inspired by a marvelous piece of art someone sent me–a piece I will be discussing some other time…but a piece that I am so … grateful to have…

I sketched…I painted…and then I took that neon pink paint pen…and I wrote My Truth Is My Own…because the border version had all but disappeared under the layers of paint…the funny thing in when I scanned the full spread, that neon pink is practically invisible…although the black sharpie I used to add a bit of shading with stands out fine…that is not a good thing…really…I didn’t completely outline anything…I just added touches…so it looks like there are weird black lines just kinda sitting there out in nowhere-land when you look at the scan…

watermarked-truth close up

This is part of that spread.  Indeed, she is a mermaid–her tail is on the other half of the spread…as I sat with this piece, trying to reach in and divine more truth from her…something else hit me…eons ago, at the end of LifeBook 2014, I sent Carla Sonheim an email telling her that I would be creating a series of mermaids and trees…yeah, it’s a long story…but this was the assignment I gave myself.

I had planned to do twelve…but actually I only did one — so far…

watermarked-mermaid night

I could not paint over her fast enough when I finished her either…this canvas is now one of my Manifestation pieces–this mermaid became the Lady with the blonde hair (there’s only one blonde–ya can’t miss her).

I have been irritated–annoyed–upset–perturbed–antsy–anxious…you name it–because I have not been able to muster my inner Fortitude and just do it when it comes to these mermaid and trees pieces…

I have told myself I don’t have to create twelve pieces.  The original idea from Carla was five or six, if I remember correctly, since I don’t feel like digging around and looking it up.

I have told myself nothing has to be on canvas–and trust me, that one above on canvas was a fluke–that canvas has about three other paintings under the mermaid…I originally intended to use the same substrate for the mermaids and trees as I had used for LifeBook 2014…mixed media paper…which I am actually no longer quite so keen on, but that’s another story…

I had a brain freeze–I did everything I could to avoid creating mermaids…and I do have about twenty lists of how to incorporate mermaids and trees cohesively in a painting…I mapped it all out…I have stick figure sketches…I have scribbles…I ‘drew’ with words instead of images…I have all of that down…I could not, for the life of me, draw a mermaid I was comfortable with…so…I began to avoid the entire idea of ‘mermaid’…

I did create one mermaid…for Painting The Feminine…no, I take it back…I did two of them…

watermarked-artimg811

watermarked-artimg822

One is barely mermaid-y at all…which I have to admit, I actually like…and the other…another faceless undersea nymph-ish creature…

And then…nothing…

For me, that is tantamount to denying who I am essentially at my core…

I did take a deep breath once (or thrice)…and ponder the WHY of my brain freeze…I had been perfectly willing to splatter paint all over in the name of all things mermaid well before this…right?

Actually…the only mermaid’s I have drawn and/or painted ‘lately’ have been in the style of Tamara Laporte’s Rainbow Mermaid class

watermarked-mermaid w egg

This is my interpretation–or at least one of them–from Tam’s class…I don’t know if my brain stuck on the rainbow mermaid concept…or what happened…but I painted a few in line with Tam’s class…and I was all gung-ho to create the series based on Carla Sonheim’s suggestions…and then…

Brain freeze…

Until my lovely beauty…the very first image in this post…she who is part of a larger spread not shown here…

As I sat with this lovely thing…it dawned on me…that this is my Truth…

The whole “My Truth” thing kept coming at me…

Something shifted…wow, last week was all about shifts and re-alignments…this week has proved quite similar…changes to finally unite who I want to be and who I truly am into one cohesive being…it’s not easy work–and it is not instant work…

I am a work in progress…and I am good with that…

But sitting here listening to my mermaid…as she dreams of me sitting–no, of me standing firmly grounded in my own Self and in my own Truth…it hit me that what I really need to do…is create a practice for the next whatever many days…thirty maybe…where I do nothing but create mermaids…maybe one a day…maybe I work on one piece for a week…so long as I am working on a mermaid…then that counts…

It’s not as if I do not have journals prepared for this sort of thing…

I will let you know when I start this project…and I will keep you updated as I go along…

Thanks for listening…

 

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