Mother-In-Law

*Please note: all the opinions expressed in this blog post are mine and mine alone. These are my impressions and my emotions. Bear this in mind if you think I am attempting to single anyone out…I am not.
And while I am at it—I really dislike the fact that I feel compelled to put such a warning up in regards to anything I post on my own personal blog. My personal blog means—my personal opinions, ideas, emotions and whatever else – I am not bashing – I am not trying to hurt anyone – I am not making accusations…
This is just my stuff…
However, I have spent a great deal of my life surrounding myself with total a**holes, whether I knew it before or after…and so…let me reiterate—my opinions, my impressions, my stuff…
And now that we are clear…
I love my former mother-in-law. I do not feel, and I did not feel back then, that I was permitted to dig into the relationship and actually build something lasting and meaningful with her. It has nothing to do with the woman herself; it was the impression her son pushed upon me, things he said, things he did, things I saw, things I heard, things I was told…yada yada…
I still have a great deal of admiration for her amazing talent. She sewed and she did woodwork—her husband did the most incredible woodwork as well, but that’s another tale. They were great people, as I knew them.
I never chose to sew much more than straight lines while I knew her, because I did not like the idea of feeling as if I had to compete with her. The ex was a huge competitor…everything was a competition. I haven’t seen him in well over a decade and yet I am still trying to work out that throw hard, go hard, fight fight fight to win stuff that he put into me. *Sidenote—I was 17, 18 when we met…I was still a kid…a lot of the formative garbage in my head unfortunately came from his point of view—and that takes a lot of time to work out…especially when I don’t know it’s in there.
Need an example? Bowling. I like bowling. I like to bowl. I had so many issues when I started bowling again after the divorce…not that I bowl often or anything…but still…the ex taught me to bowl. He taught me to throw hard, aim hard, force my will on the ball…which works for him…please don’t get me wrong. His style works for him. It does not work for me. It never did. That didn’t stop me from acting as if it did for him.
I am still to this day trying to work the kinks out of my bowling. I throw much softer, much more gently, and I use a lot more of what I call English (a billiards/pool term—I dunno if it applies to bowling, but it works here for me) to guide the ball to where I want it to go. I may never throw a perfect game in bowling, but I sure do enjoy it so much more now that bowling is not longer a battle where I must conquer.
What does this have to do with my former mother-in-law? Every now and then, when I sit down to write my gratitudes for the day, she comes up. Towards the end of the relationship with the ex, she and I were discussing things. I don’t remember how or why or any of that. All I remember is we were discussing how much intuitive readers make—and at the time I said most that I knew charged $60 per hour–$1 per minute. And that woman, bless her heart, asked me why I wasn’t doing that, why I didn’t charge that…something along those lines.
That conversation would echo in my brain for years.
It was because of that conversation that I began to charge for my work. I began charging $60 per hour for my intuitive work. And then, after working for awhile, moving through things, learning that I can do more than just support my family on $60 per hour…and for wearing myself out on many levels working with clients that probably should have been better served by someone who had a much better method of self-care in place, shall we say…or by a different type of counselor, much less an intuitive coach…I did a great deal of soul-searching about the type of life I wanted to live, about the types of clients I wanted to work with and I wanted to serve, about the hours I wanted to work, about many many things. In the end, because of that one conversation (that I remember) with my former mother-in-law, it dawned on me that based upon the work that I do and the levels to which I hold myself, I would best serve myself by charging more for my services. My base rate now is normally $120, period. I charge more for different reasons. I will charge $60 for a half an hour for different reasons. That sort of thing. I credit my mother-in-law for giving me the idea, the concept of permission, that I could do such a thing.
I have long followed Leonie Dawson. I was a member of her Goddess Circle for one year, several years ago. I learned so much in that year. It was because of what I learned during my time in her Goddess Circle that I decided to raise my rates( to $120 per hour).
To be clear, and to be blunt, raising my rates effectively got me better clients, people who genuinely want to do the work, people who are sincere and focused…and it also allowed the people who were looking for that guru, or that person to tell them how to live their lives, to gently fall away.
And for those of you wondering, yes, even now that I am not doing much work at all, I do still have some clients. Yes, I do always feel the need to defend myself and my positions, even when I am not actually under attack…a behavior from that marriage that I still cannot break myself of quite yet…
This post is not supposed to be about my clients. It is about making sure that the Universe hears me loud and clear about being grateful to have had a random conversation that made it possible for me to move across country, buy a house, move again after it became necessary to move, rent a house, and support my children and myself well…up until I stopped working when I got pregnant with my youngest and then I basically stopped working all together for a year or two to take care of him.
Now that I am beginning to build my business again, what I learned from that one conversation comes back to me…even though my business has shifted into new (for me) directions. I have that conversation with her, coupled with many conversations with my mother…in my head and in my heart…and I am embracing a new dynamic…although my base rates to work directly with me on a one-to-one basis are not shifting.
I just wanted to say, I am grateful for that one conversation. It had a powerful impact on my life going on. If I had one wish, it would be that I took that advice sooner…and that I stuck to it fervently in the face of other obstacles …

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