A Look-Back At February: A Look Into March

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So, what did I learn in February?

 
That the weather gods are fickle and I live in the wrong place. No. Wait. I knew that already.

 
I love Winter. I love Snow. And here…we get more mud and ice than snow. Snow isn’t pretty here, not even when it falls at night. It’s just how this place works. I so want to be somewhere where we can go sledding again. My youngest would love that–heck–my two older kids would love that. It is what it is at the moment; at least we know what we are looking for in the future.

 
I did the Vlog Every Day In February challenge, even though I did chose not to vlog every single day. I did honor my own body when it called for rest. I did honor my own soul when it called for no more technology. But, I did show up as best I could. I will go further into detail about what I learned in this challenge in a later post.

 
I did the 29Faces challenge that Ayala Art hosts yearly, a couple times a year. I did schedule over twenty faces before or in the beginning of February, but I also sketched at least a face a day. There were days when I made many many sketches. Again, I will go further in-depth into what I learned during this time in a later post.

 
The focus of this blog in February was all about the art. But there is so much more that I have to offer. I didn’t release any workshops, even though I had been working on one or two. I didn’t get all the items on my to do list done for the business. I don’t have a clear idea of where February went. That more than anything else is my problem.

 
As I sat in contemplation in these past weeks, it came to me, two things: the first is that I miss poetry. I used to write poetry–really bad poetry, I am sure–but, much like so many things, I used to do it all of the time…and now…nothing. The well is dry. My hands sit idle most of the time, wools and needles untouched, as well as pen and paper. My breath is stuck in my chest and tears glisten unshed in my heart, because there is no room, there is no time. All three of my children are high needs, but my youngest more than the other two. Part of this is his age, yes, but he is a high needs child anyway. He came out that way. I am lost way too much. I have spent the past couple years learning to paint and draw and sketch and art journal, but none of it has been … enough. I am still lost. Even though I am surfacing through all the depression that has surrounded me the past few years, I am still not who I am yet.

 
Two: I miss my writing. I can’t always do morning pages, or evening pages, or any pages, due to interruptions. I am in this horrible cycle of can’t sleep, can’t work, because I am in a holding pattern until I am able to do anything…and it feels to me many days as if Time has simply stopped and is completely ignoring me. I miss my writing. Not the journalling part, although I deeply miss that as well. I miss writing fiction, writing essays, writing little this and little that…tidbits and teasers and little dreamers. I miss teaching.

 
My friend and I have great plans, when we are able to do so together, to teach. We have the rough bones of the how; we are waiting for the Universe to reveal the what. As we wait, we both work on our own things. Some things are all about Timing–and I am simply not a patient creature.

 
Intentions then for March? More writing. More poetry. More feeling. More plunging into my own depths and … I do hate to say avoiding, but if I am honest with myself, then avoiding is the correct word–avoiding the work and the classes of others right now. I have been someone else for far too long and I truly just need to be alone with me to figure out who I am and where I want to go.

 
One thing that did come out of the #VEDIF challenge is … I am now over my fear of creating videos. I had intended to begin a weekly–or maybe bi-weekly– video check-in–but at the end of 2015/beginning of 2016 we were a household of coughs, sinus issues, flus, colds and other laryngitis-like issues…all of which made it too easy for me to say, well, I’ll just wait. But then this challenge came along…and I found out…I know I am goofy. I know I am weird. I know my kids and my dogs will be in every video. And yet–I can make a video–in spite of all of that. So there will be at least random videos posted.

 
I’ll discuss what sort of topics the videos will be later on. I don’t have a set list or anything, but I do already have the first video made and waiting. I want things to be and to remain somewhat organic, so I will be going with the flow there.

 
Artwork–yes, there will still be plenty of artwork throughout the month of March. There will also be more essays, more personal introspection, more ideas for you as well. I sat down the other night a week or so ago and I brainstormed topics that I wanted to show up with on the blog…and so…I have a wealth of material to play with for your amusement.

 
Anticipated projects in March?

 
Painting all the unfinished sketches from February and from 29Faces.
Finished the one workshop I did start creating in February.
Creating the workshop I had scheduled to create in February.
Working on another 30 Days class.
Working on the workshop for April.
Creating a series of twenty-four 6 inch by 6 inch art pieces based upon the rune stones. (I am waiting for the MDF board to be cut and the hanging hole put in before I can start.)
Working on the two projects I have in mind for the April A to Z challenge.
Always working on the Wednesday prompts, Riding the Magic Mushroom into Wonderland and back.

 
I do plan to post every week day, leaving weekends free for family and as technology free as possible.

 
Anything else? Right now, I am not sure…but I will keep you posted.

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