A Different Style Of Journalling

Continued from Tuesday’s post

 

So, I spend way too much time comparing what I do to others. I know, I know…I ought not do that…but perusing pinterest, or even facebook…just watching the blog posts come in to my email from the blogs I subscribe to…there is so much to see, so much to ogle.
What I want to learn how to do is have a journal where I can write and paint or sketch or whatever, comfortably and confidently.
Now, it doesn’t matter if there is a class out there that will teach me how to do this…I have to find my own way.
However, things like this…I am a bit more…constricted and rigid, for whatever reason. I am still working with myself to release the fact (for me) that art goes in art journals and writing goes in written journals —
It is this weird thing for me. I look at all these amazing journals where a person starts with a blank page and turns it into something amazingly beautiful with a set of pretty and colorful pens. There are stickers, which makes me jealous even though I personally don’t care for them–which is funny considering how many sticker books I kept as a tween/teen…maybe I just haven’t found the right kind of stickers for me yet.
I know that the best way for me to get over myself and get over my fears–because I am actually afraid of creating a mess, creating something disjointed and ugly…the thought of ‘doing it wrong’ stifles me–and I let it. So…I have to just pull out a journal and get going in it. I have to allow myself to play…and I definitely have to stop comparing myself and my work to that of others.
I am not really sure where to begin, how to begin. Do I take a journal, add some washi tape here and there, glue in a few collage images, maybe put in some squares of scrapbooking paper, maybe some circles? Do I doodle here and there, create a mandala, just random little things? Do I add watercolor to a page or two? What?
I am not exactly sure…but all of these ideas have their appeal. So, I think I will find a journal that I already have and do something of all the things I have named here and then…start to write in it, start to draw in it, start to put myself into it.
Now…I am off to find a journal. I know what size I want, and I think I have one her at home…I know I have much smaller ones…but we’ll see.
I’ll let you know how things turn out…and where things go.
Thanks for listening.

My Mandala Practice

I miss my mandala practice. Right now, I can’t remember if it was a daily practice, or just a consistent practice, but last year, I was all about mandalas. I took Julie Gibbons Mandala Magic (2015) and I cannot say enough good things about Julie herself or her class. Mandala Magic is a year-long class with monthly focuses. Each month is a different segment of the Great Round. To be honest, although I watched all the videos and I made sure I printed out and downloaded all the materials that I was able to, I basically stopped everything in April of last year. I got stuck.

 
I know why I got stuck.

 
Stage 4: Beginnings.

 
It’s about working with and nurturing your Inner Child. It’s a bit of Re-mothering.

 
As a mother who had lost too many children, I got stuck. I have a few things in process that I am using to help me work through this stuckness. it takes time to heal. It’s a process, a spiraling process that never quite ends.

 
At some point, I know I will reach a space where I have a calm quiet space to be–not acceptance–not anything like that, but just a space where I can live and thrive and move on without miring myself in things.

 
But…it’s March…nearly back to that same space where this cycle reared up and stopped me last year. I am pulling out my mandala journals and staring at them. I am looking at the other mandala classes that I took–and I did take several shorter mandala courses last year, as well as Mandala Magic.

 
So, last year in April, I also did an A to Z challenge. I drew one goddess per day, starting with Aphrodite and going all the way to Zemyna. I sketched these goddesses within the mandala circle framework. However, I didn’t start to finish the drawings until mid-May…and I only did a few…because I was still fighting to keep my head above water in Stage Four work.

 
I have been saying this year for April, I would finish out all the sketches from last year’s A to Z challenge. I have pulled the journal out and I still love the sketches, even though I don’t really work that way anymore…I even looked at the sketches I did finish out…I used colored pencil, which worked really well over the substrate of craft acrylic. Again, this is in my art journal, so I wasn’t really worried about anything. If I remember correctly, it was the craft paint that stuck to the glossy pages of this particular journal anyway.

 
I love the concept of this particular journal. It’s an old book; it’s square. I worked in the front of the book and created mandalas on one page of the spread and on the other–usually flowers of some sort. My mandalas held faces…and I love that style. I love that container. It was this methodology I used when I started sketching the goddesses for the A to Z challenge, but I started the goddess sketches in the back of the book, so that I was working the front and the back of the book at the same time.
I do think it is time for me to pick up this thread and wander the path a little bit more as I continue to work to heal the Inner Child. To heal my Wounded Mother self.

 
I have spent many months–which have turned into years–trying to articulate the Wounded Mother as an Archetypal Figure. I tried to research it, but every search drove me to birth stories. I have my own birth stories, two handled by wonderful midwives–and two others…not to mention the children lost. They count too. But … there is no story there for the unheard and the unseen. Yet–I am not unseen and I will not be unheard. So…I walk this path looking for the verbiage that feels right to me, that feels right for me.

 
All of that…and yes, now is definitely the time to pick my neglected mandala practice back up and begin to delve into it and to work with it on a regular basis again.

 
Until next time…