Deepen. This is my word for this year. Every time I stop to think about how this word is working in my life this year, I am awed by the changes that are going on.
I do not think of my word of the year every day. Not even every week. In fact, months can go by before I stop and think, hey, look how this coincides with my word of the year…
This is August. The third quarter of the year. How is Deepen working on me right now?
Such amazing changes and shifts have been happening.
A new website in the works. Updates to the family website happening. Changes to the way I am working with and on my blog. Changes at home, slow but sure, cleaning and catching up with … going on five years of things waiting for me to recover from pregnancy and have the facilities and faculties to take care of things myself. My health is improving. My work itself is changing, deepening, with things lining up in ways they haven’t in many many a moon.
I think the most exciting things I can say are…I am coming back to me again…not a reclaiming, because I am not the person I was. I am not the person I was two years, not five years ago, not seven years ago, not ten years ago. I am the same, but I am different. Sometimes it is strange for me to stop and think about how I am again (still) heading in the same direction–but with different energies, different ideas about the same things, different focus, a different center, a different foundation. This also sheds the same light on the other shift, in my work.
For six years now, I have had my NaNo2010 novel sitting there waiting for me–and I know what I want to do with it–I simply haven’t known how to do that. Now I have a much clearer idea of what to do and how to do it. If I can make this work, I have a book…literally, so many patterns, of knitting patterns that I wrote and created in 2007– and this is something I have longed to test knit and put out into the world. Although since I created all the patterns, my idea on publishing has shifted to wanted to publish one pattern at a time. Most of those patterns are shawl patterns, because I was in no way prepared in 2007 to create hat patterns, which lately has been something I genuinely like and appreciate–even if I have trouble knitting hats around here at the moment. I need to test knit the patterns as they stand now.
It’s also an evolving thing with my art. I keep saying I want to unlearn what I have learned in my classes, but it is not that I regret the classes I’ve taken or plan to take. What I need to do, I have come to realize, is let go of the — rules that I accept as law–and I am in no way accusing any teacher I have had at any level of saying this is the only way this can be done–but for whatever reason things get stuck in my head and it becomes–this is the only way this can be done. I hadn’t realized until recently that I haven’t been painting or working in my art journal as much, because all the fun has gone away. I couldn’t do this like that because it’s not the ‘right way’…I couldn’t do that because it’s not the ‘right way’. So I am working on … doing things my own way rather than the ‘right way’.
I also want to start working on different techniques, for different things. I don’t want to start talking about what I am doing, or what I am planning to do. However, I do plan on making more books, binding my own books…and perhaps I will be making them to sell. Which is not anything I ever thought I might do. But the idea of it does feel pretty good. We’ll have to see.
I am a bit excited about the making and binding of books though. My oldest son is actually excited about me making him his very own book for his upcoming thirteenth birthday. A special request: a red book with red pages. Red is his favorite color. My daughter has several books that I’ve made over the past couple of years. My youngest…well, he has plenty of other things right now. When he is older, I know he’ll get his share as well.
It does feel so good to have my feet firmly back on my own solid foundation though. That is something I have been missing for…such a very long time now. I couldn’t actually pinpoint how long it’s been so long. Decades.
There is so much going on, so many changes, inside and out. I am excited to see where things go for the rest of this year.