A Bit Of A Ramble…

Standard

AAAhhhhh….February…the month of my birth… my partner’s as well…and many others’…

I am beginning to garner a bit of understanding about 2017 here…it’s a slow reclaiming of my own self…I will not mention anything outside of that…there is a slow simmering…I still seem to be more in hibernation cycle than I do spring up and go get ’em cycle…if I even have that cycle anymore.  The annoying thing about a chronic auto-immune issue is…I’m never sure–from day-to-day what I will feel like–sometimes from hour to hour, from moment to moment…and sometimes there are longer cycles that I may not notice until they pass and circle back again, years long cycles…will I have a get up and go get ’em cycle this year?  I don’t know…I can’t be sure…so I will stick with the slow and the steady…I am not in a race…so whether I get ‘there’ first or not is moot.

My loving man did indeed get me the chunkier, heartier laptop to lug around to do my writing on…linux is actually a great operating system and one I have not had many issues with … other than when the computer itself has issues … IT is not my thing, people, really.  I sort of feel better having it, in the hopes that that means I will take it and flee…I mean, leave the house now and then, with my laptop in tow, to go do some writing in some … establishment somewhere…

But there has been something creeping up on me…and I know it has been coming for quite a while now…I mean, more than a year, this has been stirring and swimming about…ever since this year has started…I haven’t been able to write much…not on computer, not by hand…not in a journal, not for writing classes or anything else…this is a big reason why there haven’t been many blog posts up … you can call it writer’s block…but I am still writing full steam ahead — in my head…so it’s not that…and yes, I have issues with cats, dogs, kids, and space…but that isn’t really it either…it’s something more visceral than that…

I long to write by hand…and I haven’t felt the urgency to do so yet.  I think part of it, when I sit down, is that I parted with all my writing that I still had with me from when I was younger…I threw all that out and my oldest child had a fit because now she would never be able to read it all…and frankly, there is a great deal of relief knowing that…I know what I wrote and I don’t want her or her brothers reading that…

I have three stories, long, long tales, that drift through my head, pieces of them, one or the other or all of them, every day, and I work them through in my head…and never commit them to paper–because now…my kids might read it…and I am working my way through that.  Because these stories, the same characters in all three stories, have been with me for decades and I love them…and I know eventually I will have to let these characters loose in the word.

Jamie Ridler said something in a blog post recently that just caught my heart and brought me to a standstill for a moment. The basics of it are, “keep creating no matter what”…and for me, what she said is more than just about writing, or creating workshops and programs…I can (and am working to) apply this to my art, to my poetry, to my knitting…to everything of the like.

One place I feel this intense need of shift, back into working by hand, with my hands, is in my workshop/course creation … I am smack dab in the middle of re-creating The Raven Journey (which I apparently no longer have any information public about at this time…wow)…I originally created this Journey by hand, writing it all out by hand, doodling bits and pieces…but when it came time to publish it, to offer it to the world…Fear stepped up and said–“They” are going to say you are a copy cat and a thief…stealing other peoples’ styles and the way they do things.  It didn’t matter then that this was my work…for Fear, all that mattered was that I not appear to be doing what “everyone else” was doing…so–I typed that program up…and I felt then as I still feel –that it lost 90% of its magic in that transition…

I will still show up here to this blog (hopefully more often now that January is behind us…) and I will type up these missives…unless I don’t…unless I hand-write something and decide to post that as is…which is possible…I did that with my January and February newsletters…hand-wrote some of it…then typed up some of it…combined it all into one package…I originally started doing that because of…well, cats and toddler fought me on my computer time…and I have been (and continue to be, only less so now) too tired to really want to fight or take a stand…

Be prepared though…many things have been coming up for me in the past month…and longer…I mean to share my process as I go along…

Thank you for coming along with me on this Road…

 

 

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