April Newsletter…Postponed and Finally Cancelled

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I said, several times, last month that the March newsletter was the one I am most proud of…so, how did I get from so proud to realizing that the best thing for me is to cancel doing the newsletter entirely?

My beloved thinkpad is still broken screened and silently waiting in the corner, well, with many other electronic devices in this house–between toddler and teen and those of us in between…the March newsletter was 99% hand-written…I did type up every link–that I had already hand-written out–to make sure readers could just click and go, rather than typing every link out by hand…

I felt really good about all that work that I did.  It felt good to release it out into the world…even though there were technical issues with the release…’because, hey, I am blonde…even if I no longer look it as clearly…

But, as the month moved forward, the idea of the April newsletter kept coming up–for March, I had had an outline and very clear ideas about what I wanted to write about … I thought doing the same thing for April would be a good idea…but the last week of March flew into being and I was…still dragging my feet.  It is April 4th and I still haven’t committed to a new journal for the month yet…I have an old book pulled and sitting on my table, waiting, but I haven’t started the process of altering and binding, yet.  I am not quite sure I will.

Since I had ensured I had less than a week to pull together the newsletter, I decided to sit down and figure out what to put into the newsletter.  I started to just randomly write, scribble and doodle to get my ideas out.  What came up was — I have trouble keeping things private and strictly for the newsletter…which spins into much of what I put in the newsletter I would like to put on the blog, but can’t because I have to honor the space that I have created for my newsletter readers, which makes me feel as if my regular blog readers are missing out and are being sort of pushed aside and/or forgotten/left for last…which does not in any way make me feel good.

So, I investigated what I would 1 like to have in the newsletter and 2 what I would like to put out on the blog…and it is a lot of the same thing…but if I put it in one, I can’t put it in the other…which means I am limiting myself…and I don’t like that.

And this is the process I used to get around to the fact that…instead of postponing this month’s newsletter until I pulled it together–I needed to let go of the newsletter entirely and focus on putting all that content out on the blog…which feels genuine to me and it feels GOOD to me…so…newsletter…bye-bye…thank you all who followed along with me and this experiment.

Now–the reason the newsletter was originally resurrected at the beginning of the year was because I was planning to create an altered book journal specific to each and every month…I am not giving up on those journals.

However, I look around and I have stacks of hand-made journals sitting here.  None of these journals are set up for 30/31 day projects.  Most of them have many many more pages –and if I could go through one of these things in a month, then I wouldn’t be as … anxious?  upset? about the thought of trying as I am…

So…I am thinking that perhaps I will create a journal … and maybe it will house more than a single month…especially since I have struggling to do anything that feels … worthy of posting online … in these journals.  Even though what I am doing feels good to me when I am doing it…it doesn’t always feel as if it would be valuable to anyone else…and even as I write that I have this voice in my head saying…if it is valuable to you, then there is someone out there that will come across this post and will feel relieved and happy to know that doing anything, no matter how small, can make a huge difference…because it does.

My March journal — which I will talk about in another post — is nearly entirely me splashing water color paint onto the pages first thing in the morning and then walking away for the rest of the day.  I had my little small stone space created in the corners where I would write later, sometimes days later, and that was enough for me.  The whole process was enough for me, even though I kept telling myself I wanted to have more, a longer time to work, uninterrupted time, actual space to work…all those things I yearn for…but…what I did was I sploshed paint for a bit and let it run over the page and dry there…and that was it and it made my heart happy–happier than I would have thought…so there you go…

All that to say…sorry, the newsletter is cancelled.  To say…hey, expect more content here on the blog…and to say, hey, every little bit counts…every day…

Thanks!

 

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