This November has been … a transitory time for me. There are a lot of new things going on in our life here. We have a weekly set appointment on Mondays that has thrown my whole schedule off. Mondays before this appointment used to be my time to recalibrate and figure out what my week would be, recharge and destress after the weekend, get myself together…and now…it’s just busy for me. And a busy Monday, after a busy weekend, leads into a busy Tuesday…which means that I don’t get the downtime I am used to until Wednesday…and by Wednesday I am already worrying about Friday…and that leads me into the weekend worry…so this loop is taking me some time to find the space to settle in and find the space where I have the time to stop and breathe and let go of all the pent-up stuff before taking on the on-coming worry.
It’s something I am actively working with and working on…but, it’s a process.
However, as I work through these steps…and as I work on getting my work together…and preparing for the coming year…I tend to let things go when I can’t actually manage things. You may be thinking, how hard is it to sit down and type up some quotes for Friday—and I am telling you that it truly is. There is more to things than you realize…and I do what I can within the confines of my physical limitations at the moment. Honoring myself and my body right now is by far more important to me than forcing myself to create or be online…no matter how much I want to…but I am trying to try…so don’t lose heart.
I also want to talk about my word of the year for 2017: Reclaim. And yes, I had to look it up again to be sure what it was.
My year pretty much stopped, work-wise, creation-wise, in April, wasn’t it? I had my year planned out and then…everything stopped. Even though I had the best of intentions for jumping back on that pony and gettin’ goin’ again—it hasn’t happened…not the way it was supposed to. But, I needed the time off.
Have I re-accessed everything? Have I changed my path or my goals? No. I needed the time to figure out where I am now, where I want to be, what steps needed to be taken to move forward in the direction I want to move. I needed to take that time to reclaim the internal workings of who and what I am, to remember why I am here and why I do what I do. I needed time to cast off everyone else’s expectations and assumptions. I needed to stop doing things the way the “experts” say to do things. I needed to stop keeping up with the Joneses…because that’s never been who I am and I hate that – but when working to rebuild my business, that’s what I thought I should be doing, because that was what everyone was saying I should do.
So, the time off has been productive in some ways…and in others…the guilt piles up. Guilt piles up. Stacks of papers needing to be filed pile up. Magazines pile up. Books pile up. And fine, yes, the laundry piles up because I seriously hate to fold laundry…but at least I do get it done in a semi-timely manner because the guilt of seeing it just sitting there drives me nuts.
October this year was eye-opening for me. There came many shifts, many that I did not expect. I found some correlations and some coincidences that seemed cosmically lined up and linked for me. I found my way through. Finding my way is the easy part…making my way through…that’s the difficult part. That’s how I get stuck being five years into a two-year plan, again.
November is usually my downtime emotionally, spiritually, mentally—which is sort of funny with NaNoWriMo running every year…but how long has it been since I won at NaNo? 2010? I don’t think I finished with 2011’s novel. And I don’t think I have really tried since then either. This year, I found NaKniSweMo…knitting a sweater in a month…and I love that…that feels good…that feels far more like what I need right now…that meditative creation of something that I will actually be wearing. It’s a weaving closed these open wounds, these deep holes, in my life where the things I once loved so dearly and needed to have to stay sane vanished into…and that feels amazing.
So, yes, overall, I would say I have spent this year Reclaiming…and next year’s word has already come to me and is easing into my process even now, as Samhain marks the New Year on the Celtic Calendar…so moves the ancient flows within my DNA…
I will put up the remaining For Your Inspiration Friday quotes…I will simply move forward, not backward.
Thank you for following along on this journey with me.