Spooning…

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Is it Monday already?

This month, I have been fighting off one infection after another. Every time I think, ok, I am clear of that one…a new one comes up…but…it’s all a process…so I do what I can. Between allergies and germs and other things…what can I say?

I talk about spoons here now and then, the number of spoons I have physically in a day for my own use.

Do you see the irony in the fact that … I actually had to go out and buy spoons, the kind you eat with, the other day?

I do not know what happens tot he spoons in this house. Forks, I have some idea…but they don’t go missing as often. When a fork’s tines get bent, I have zero issues tossing them in the recycling. I will not eat with mangled cutlery. It’s a personal thing. If I won’t tolerate it at a restaurant, I surely will not tolerate it in my home.

But…spoons?

Now, I admit, my two older kids go through periods where they like to bend spoons…not with their minds, but with their hands…and the reason given to the question of WHY?!?! is always … because I wanted to see what would happen…

Hard to argue that sort of logic, isn’t it?

Not really—they get told…don’t do that…over and over…

Eventually it happens again…it just does.

But, where do the spoons go?

It’s like the missing sock from the laundry—well, not here—that’s not a mystery…if the washer didn’t kill it and mangle it, then it simply ate it whole.

Spoons…I know they travel with bowls, most of the time…and they take journeys into bedrooms where they aren’t allowed to go, into the basement, outside (don’t ask me why—but I have seen it), into the living room…

I would think they mostly make it back to the sink…except…we also have a shortage of bowls…and not the “regular” adult bowls, the glass ones, in the cabinet. Oh no. The smaller toddler-friendly and the only thing the youngest child is allowed to touch and since he is the only one who has any real reason to use those tiny bowl it shouldn’t be an issue—and yet—somehow–it is – because he is not the only one who touches them…those too have been vanishing … to the point of near extinction around here…but we have other plastic bowls that seem to always reappear, so the need for more bowls is not yet as urgent as the need for replacement spoons…

I found myself wanting to run the dishwasher three and four times a day, when the machine wasn’t even half full, or even marginally full, just to have spoons…

I pulled the silverware drawer apart…because there is a whole other ecosystem living in that drawer that no one seems to remember…I thought maybe the spoons had been lured over to that side…alas…it was not so…

So, since all I wanted were spoons, we went to the local thrift store, where silverware is six pieces for a dollar…and I spent three dollars, plus tax. I got six teaspoons…because I love my teaspoons…and they were nearly all gone…I moved into this house with twenty-four long-handled teaspoons…and when there were only four or five left…I got ticky. I got twelve regular spoons, the likes of which we use for stirring teas and coffees and who knows what else…for eating soups and cereals…although usually not at the same time…but on a bad day…it might happen…

Now…let’s see how long these last before I have to have another fit over the disappearances in this house…

And, yes, I do get that once we move from this house into another, better for us as a whole, house, I will probably end up with a thousand different spoons that will appear from the Ether just because they can…

Spoons…Ever The Issue…

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I have said it many times, I only have so many spoons available per day…and even throughout the day, the number of spoons shifts.

(Don’t understand the term spoons as it is used here?  Here is one of many articles to peruse.)

I may wake up feeling incredible and energized and think, yeah, I can tackle all these built-up projects…and then I get moving …and one by one by one, those spoons I thought I had vanish…leaving me stranded and exhausted.

This tends to leave me emotionally drained…I have all these projects, all these things I want to do.  I have a toddler to chase, one teen that needs to get here and there on time for various activities, meals to prepare, a house to clean, dogs to chase and cats to … wait til they want something and come to me begging?

Sometimes I walk from one room to the next completely overwhelmed with what needs to be done, with what I want to get done, with what I have planned to get done…and there is nothing I can humanly do to get everything done all at once.

So…I came up with a new plan.  I can count on, usually, having one spoon every day…my new plan is to do one thing a day.  And be happy that I accomplished that one thing…even if a bajillion other things are quite literally piled up and waiting.

This weekend, I cleaned and organized my youngest’s toys…toys that manage to get strewn and kicked all over the house.  I had my oldest gather what she could find and put into storage bags (thank you, Ikea) a day or two before, so that most of the mess would be gathered into one space.  Over the span of two rooms, I created storage nooks with bins and his toys all now have a spot that he can get to…and more importantly, everyone is working to get him to pick stuff up once he is done with it, rather than leaving it scattered on the floor…and this also requires someone to nag the dogs, who are also culpable in the kicking of toys all over the place as they galump through the house.

Ok, so, even with my adoring partner taking the kids out of the house for three hours so I could do this…this project took six hours to do…and it took me two days to actually recover from mostly sitting on the floor, picking through bags and stuffing things in bins.  So, there is a stack of books on the dining room table and another on a chair waiting for me to do something with them…(which is why I haven’t been painting more yet this week).

Yet, those two days while I recovered?  I caught up on email…and I worked on the family website, adding new things, deleting obsolete things, and generally trying to get things together.

I still have an incredible amount of work to do, in many areas of my life, but I am getting there, one step at a time.

Thanks for listening.

Tuesday…It’s Tuesday

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You  know, my birthday is now less than a week away.  It’s not a milestone or anything for me.  I am not upset over getting older.  Age is just a number.  It doesn’t matter much to me.  I have people around me who love me and whom I adore in return.  That is more than enough.

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Five years ago, I released an email workshop (just scroll down…you’ll see it) in honor of my birthday.  I keep thinking I want to do something like that for this year as well.

Considering that my birthday is in six days, I doubt I will be able to pull anything cohesive off in time…but…I do think that I can create something this year.

This year has gone nothing like how i envisioned it would go…but there are a lot of beautiful things going on behind the scenes.

After three years, four years now, I am finally getting a leg up on my health.  I will never be “whole” nor “cured”, at least not in the eyes of Western medicine, but I can alleviate the layers of not my usual chronic issue and I can find that … for lack of a better term, the sweet spot in dealing with my chronic issue…and that is good; it’s good enough for me.

Today is the birthday of Alan Rickman…and of Anais Nin…I wish I had more to share with you to honor one or both of them…but alas, the work is only in my heart right now.  So I offer prayers for their peace and happiness, wherever they are.

And to you as well…

Until next time…

A Bit Of A Ramble…

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AAAhhhhh….February…the month of my birth… my partner’s as well…and many others’…

I am beginning to garner a bit of understanding about 2017 here…it’s a slow reclaiming of my own self…I will not mention anything outside of that…there is a slow simmering…I still seem to be more in hibernation cycle than I do spring up and go get ’em cycle…if I even have that cycle anymore.  The annoying thing about a chronic auto-immune issue is…I’m never sure–from day-to-day what I will feel like–sometimes from hour to hour, from moment to moment…and sometimes there are longer cycles that I may not notice until they pass and circle back again, years long cycles…will I have a get up and go get ’em cycle this year?  I don’t know…I can’t be sure…so I will stick with the slow and the steady…I am not in a race…so whether I get ‘there’ first or not is moot.

My loving man did indeed get me the chunkier, heartier laptop to lug around to do my writing on…linux is actually a great operating system and one I have not had many issues with … other than when the computer itself has issues … IT is not my thing, people, really.  I sort of feel better having it, in the hopes that that means I will take it and flee…I mean, leave the house now and then, with my laptop in tow, to go do some writing in some … establishment somewhere…

But there has been something creeping up on me…and I know it has been coming for quite a while now…I mean, more than a year, this has been stirring and swimming about…ever since this year has started…I haven’t been able to write much…not on computer, not by hand…not in a journal, not for writing classes or anything else…this is a big reason why there haven’t been many blog posts up … you can call it writer’s block…but I am still writing full steam ahead — in my head…so it’s not that…and yes, I have issues with cats, dogs, kids, and space…but that isn’t really it either…it’s something more visceral than that…

I long to write by hand…and I haven’t felt the urgency to do so yet.  I think part of it, when I sit down, is that I parted with all my writing that I still had with me from when I was younger…I threw all that out and my oldest child had a fit because now she would never be able to read it all…and frankly, there is a great deal of relief knowing that…I know what I wrote and I don’t want her or her brothers reading that…

I have three stories, long, long tales, that drift through my head, pieces of them, one or the other or all of them, every day, and I work them through in my head…and never commit them to paper–because now…my kids might read it…and I am working my way through that.  Because these stories, the same characters in all three stories, have been with me for decades and I love them…and I know eventually I will have to let these characters loose in the word.

Jamie Ridler said something in a blog post recently that just caught my heart and brought me to a standstill for a moment. The basics of it are, “keep creating no matter what”…and for me, what she said is more than just about writing, or creating workshops and programs…I can (and am working to) apply this to my art, to my poetry, to my knitting…to everything of the like.

One place I feel this intense need of shift, back into working by hand, with my hands, is in my workshop/course creation … I am smack dab in the middle of re-creating The Raven Journey (which I apparently no longer have any information public about at this time…wow)…I originally created this Journey by hand, writing it all out by hand, doodling bits and pieces…but when it came time to publish it, to offer it to the world…Fear stepped up and said–“They” are going to say you are a copy cat and a thief…stealing other peoples’ styles and the way they do things.  It didn’t matter then that this was my work…for Fear, all that mattered was that I not appear to be doing what “everyone else” was doing…so–I typed that program up…and I felt then as I still feel –that it lost 90% of its magic in that transition…

I will still show up here to this blog (hopefully more often now that January is behind us…) and I will type up these missives…unless I don’t…unless I hand-write something and decide to post that as is…which is possible…I did that with my January and February newsletters…hand-wrote some of it…then typed up some of it…combined it all into one package…I originally started doing that because of…well, cats and toddler fought me on my computer time…and I have been (and continue to be, only less so now) too tired to really want to fight or take a stand…

Be prepared though…many things have been coming up for me in the past month…and longer…I mean to share my process as I go along…

Thank you for coming along with me on this Road…

 

 

2017: My Word Of The Year

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I have had my word of the year since October.  I wasn’t really casting around for one yet back then, but this one word kept coming up.  Reclaim.  Reclaim.  Reclaim.

So, I let it keep coming at me for a few days.  Let it drift through my brain, my dreams, and I knew…it was the right word for me this coming year.

A reclamation.

I could go into a great many details, give you lots of stories and tidbits that prove I have totally lost myself–but I think I am going to let that lie and not air every little detail.  It’s difficult enough to admit that I have lost so much of myself.

Let us see where this year takes us, shall we?

Social Media ‘Check-In’

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So, social media.

I have made it clear a few months ago that I was going off most social media…I think a better way to say it was I went off social media except in the way I wanted to utilize it.

Example: instagram…nothing has changed about the way I work with instagram.  I post tons of pictures and little videos of the kids, for family.  OK, there was one change–I used to have everything from instagram post directly to my facebook page…and I stopped doing that.

Example: pinterest…I did a completely revamp of my pinterest use.  I completely deleted my original account and set up a new one.  Most of the stuff that I work with for me, I have hidden.  I have some public boards set up, with nothing on them as yet, because I am still working behind the scenes on things.  But the stuff I pin for me, for my edification, my inspiration…I keep private.  Because that is what feels good to me.

Example: facebook…I turned off all notifications, turned off all services, although I did turn one back on by request of a family member.  I do not check facebook.  I do not post to facebook.  I have a couple of reasons to do with family members, not least of all having teens, that I have not completely closed the account, but for all intents and purposes, it is a dead account.  I have not missed it in the least.  That’s the big thing.

I do not feel as if I am missing anything at all.  I never got my news from facebook.  In fact, I was wowed these past couple months to really see clearly how little the “mainstream media” puts out there.  All we saw through mainstream media was the election and dragging candidates through the mud and celebrity blah blah blah.  If not for the fact that I follow  certain people (this means I receive newsletters and blog posts in my inbox) I would never have heard of DAPL.  That above all else ticks me off.  But I won’t go there…

But it does bring me to my inbox–a week or so before Thanksgiving, the buy this now ads started to hit…and I started not just deleting things, but unsubscribing to things.  Now, there’s one thing to say, hey, the holidays are coming, here’s my sale…it is something else to bombard inboxes — this is a repeated SALE BUY ME SALE thing, many of which I received from the same sources several times a day…I just don’t want people thinking if I receive something that says, hey, buy me, I will unsubscribe instantly…I don’t…but if I am inundated, if I feel what  receive is too heavy-handed–if there is nothing else offered but BUY THIS NOW and it’s an obvious money grab…it’s not for me and I unsubscribe.

I still get a lot of emails that I don’t open.  I stay subscribed because–when I do have the time, I enjoy reading/following those people.  Right now, I have so very little time for just me, I don’t waste it on other people who are not family.  I hate to say that–but it is true.  And if I am being honest, I don’t really make all the time I want to make for family either…so it’s not as if I am a stellar keeper-upper with anything at the moment.

This is me sharing today, trying to make that little bit of space for me and for my stuff.  Keep an eye out…more stuff is coming this month.