Getting Started…Again…And Again…

I started 2019 full of good intentions.  I had—still have—a well-thought-through blogging schedule, with many ideas for blog posts to get/keep things flowing…I had—and still have—a steady work schedule drawn up—release dates for different programs, books, patterns, and other offerings…but none of that has manifested…because every time I sit down to think about things, to start working on things, something stops me.  I have been very ill all year—but having chronic issues means I have … chronic issues…I have had them for years now, so I should be used to working with them and working around them…at least in some way…but this year, as I collapse physically, instead of my mind flying around and my being able to scribble notes or type things up—everything shuts off, shuts down, and I blank out…and then the end of the day has come…I go to bed…I wake up—nothing gets accomplished…because I am not the only one in the household (of those who can/do help maintain said household) who has ground to a holt in this manic holding pattern…

I have had times where I am able to write, able to feel as if I am moving forward…and I am finding myself … wanting to tear down all that I have already built up—and not begin again…but do what it is that I do—in a different way, take it a different direction.   I am being called to listen more than I am being called to act right now.   There is a path for me to which I am being led at this time—it is simply not entirely clear to me at this time.  I am still on the same journey…but the way I am getting there, the pathways I am taking…those are currently shifting and changing…

I cannot blame all of this on 2019.  This has been a long time coming now.  The last two years, with health issues and surgeries…even this year where some of the health issues are tamed; others are still rampant and wandering; some are simply here and must be tolerated and dealt with to the best of my/our ability.  But…the work goes on…I am not giving up simply because my body aches or refuses to cooperate.

I have been working, as best I can, mostly inside my head…and I think I am seeing the next steps I am to be taking.  So…new things are brewing.  New things are coming…  Hopefully, the Summer Solstice has awakened the energy I need to put thoughts into action and get started on this new path.

Having said all that—I will still be making art.  I will still be creating courses.  I will still be writing.  I will still knit—and crochet—and homeschool…and I will still suffer random pains, migraines, lack of impetus and ability to move…but I will still keep going.

One thing that I am definite about is being far more honest here about my journey, physical, mental, spiritual…instead of glossing over it and not really allowing anyone to see me.  No more trying to pretty up things when they aren’t very pretty.  Tough love…not brutality.  Just more of me coming out of the shadows again.

Thanks for continuing with me as I go along this journey.

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Checking In With My Word Of The Year

This is “supposed to be’ My Year.  I am supposed to be getting back on track.  I am supposed to be getting things done.  And yet…and yet…I have literally been ill in one way or another since …January…pretty much non-stop.  The kind of illness that is too low-grade to go to the doctor…the kind of sickness that requires medical intervention…the kind of sick that falls somewhere in between.  Yes, there have been times that I have felt decent…but they have been few and far between, since last year.

So…how am I doing with my word of the year, mise en place?  Actually, being so sick, being unable and unwilling to pick up knitting, or crochet work, or a book, or anything…and add into that driving for roughly twenty-eight hours (no, not all at once—over a three-day trip)—these have given me a great deal of time to think, to ponder, to delve…more than I normally do anyway.  Especially during the trip, I thought more in-depth about several things that I have been thinking about doing for a few months—and by having this time, basically to myself, I finally found some footing about certain things—I received confirmation that yes, I should definitely do this, definitely go this direction, and definitely should let that go, should not do that, should not go there…and it’s been wonderful.

Now, all I need to do is actually DO the work…and I will feel better about things all around.

Although, every now and then, that word of the year, mise en place, comes back up and reminds me that it means—preparing things and having everything in its place…and when I feel stuck in illness as I have lately it strikes me that this needing to sit still and just be with ME instead of every other little thing that I do is exactly the sort or preparing that I ought to be doing more regularly—but haven’t quite figured out how to make enough time to do so…on top of being sick enough to just not feel like moving for months on end…

I do try, when I feel up to it—I actually have blog posts (two or three) that I wrote last month—on my laptop (that I try to keep offline—except to transfer posts blog posts and similar things to my desktop, where I add pictures and whatever else needs to be added before posting them on my blog)—I meant to post said blog posts in April…I meant to post the April poetry prompts there as well…and you see how well that went…

For right now, I am just going to keep doing what I can as I feel up to it…and then when I am more able (please, Universe, please let that be soon) I will bore full-steam ahead.  Otherwise, I will just work in dribs and drabs until then…

Until next time…

 

What Am I Getting Myself Into?

For years now, I have watched and looked at and pondered doing The Sketchbook Project for the Brooklyn Art Library.

For years now, I have talked myself out of it.  The Critic Voices in my head…never good enough, won’t finish it, won’t compare, can’t compete…yada yada yada…

Guess what?  I have better voices in my head this year.

This year the voices in my head were all saying–do it–you can’t say no-it’s going to be fun and interesting and exciting.  It’s going to open so many doors for you–even if only in your own heart.  You deserve to do this.

So, I signed up.  My Volume 15 journal is on its way.

They have themes to help get you started, but they are not hard and fast things.

So, I am pondering themes.  I am pondering media (since acrylic and gesso are frowned upon).  I am pondering rebinding a journal I haven’t seen yet.  I am wondering what it will be like, what it will feel like.

Are you wondering too?

Then, please, come join in.

 

So, Long Time–No See….

I started this year with a list, a list, I tell you, of blog posts and prompts and things I wanted to write about, talk about, show you guys, here on the blog…and yet…

Nada.

I got sick in January…yup…I did the best I could…and then the germs lingered…and lingered…

I did two trips in a row around the antibiotic fields of joy-joy drugs that make me almost as sick as I was before but do alleviate the awesome need to remove my teeth with pliers they hurt so bloody bad…uh huh.

It was March…and I looked around, thinking, sheesh, I do NOT want to write a blog post — again — that says, hey, sorry, but I am sick and too ill, too tired, too bleary-eyed to even think of checking email, must less being competent and cohesive enough to write anything decent in a blog post to say–hey, I’m sick–I would have had months worth of daily posts just saying, yup, still sick, yup, still sick…and maybe once in a while, yup, still breathing, or trying to at least…

I am still not sure how we arrived at APRIL (for the love of all that’s holy!)–and yet–here we are–it’s April…

I would like to be able to say (because it’s how I was raised) that I am embarrassed that I have done so little visible work–either with my writing, or art, or posting here–but ya know–being this sick, over and over and over…somtimes heavy heavy can’t it sucks to twitch sick and sometimes just ye gods will this malingering annoyance that saps every bit of everything out of me low-grade BSery, has gotten me to a point where–I am not embarrassed–I am not ashamed–and I am just going to pick up where I left off and move forward. much as if this whole beginning of the year has not simply flown by with little accomplished on my part.

So, fair warning–hopefully I shall be showing up here regularly.  I do have a ton of topics on my list to write about…and although I have been mostly immobile, there has been a great deal of cerebral work happening…and hopefully, more of it will be revealed quite soon.

So Much For “Easing Into” The New Year…

So, we are nearly halfway through (!!!) the first month of the New Year…and all my plans for this is what I am planning for my blog here have come to …nothing…because the Universe apparently had other plans…

I started making art.  I started a fiber project journal (for knitting and crochet).  I started writing up posts for the blog.  I have plans in the works for my Gumroad shop.  I have things written up in my planning notebook…and then…and then…I got sick…like sicker than anyone could ever be sick with some virulent germ-bug that basically took me out of action, literally, for over a week…on top of the other issues I have.

I stepped into January with Christmas presents yet to knit…and thankfully those I finished–and the recipients loved them.  They were projects for Duncan and people who help him–he wanted to do something–he wanted me to knit something–he picked out yarn and colors–he picked out patterns…so a collaborative effort there.

And in a fluke of serendipity (thank you, Universe) — all those hats I was going to knit for people for #hatnothate, hats to be completed before October last year–yep, finally got those out to people this past week–and nope, I don’t think more than one or two were actually any shade of blue–but the people wanting and needing hats from me–got them…before, ya know, spring or summer arrived…

Overall, a productive month thus far, behind the scenes…but I have PLANS for this year…and for this space…and as all my plans go…it seems I will be moving more slowly than I plan for, more slowly than I like–but I AM moving…and moving forward…

So…watch this space…I swear things are percolating and will soon be showing up here…slowly but surely.

Whimsical Wednesdays 2019 — Theme Announcement

Coming every Wednesday in 2019 will be an animal for you to interact with.  use this as a time to explore the animal itself, or perhaps journey with a new spirit animal, whatever takes your fancy.

photo from morguefile.com

I have tried to maintain a neutral animal type when possible–for example, I say dog and not husky, or poodle, or spitz.  You get the picture.  However, there are times when a specific animal will be used because my son helped me pick out some of the animals and he was quite adamant about using certain animals (brush up on your lemurs, people…and be sure to thank the Kratt Brothers for all their hard work–with my son, it really does pay off…)

I will suggest an animal for the week–although you are free to choose any animal you like or that calls to you at any time–and I will offer up a few questions to help you in pursuit of a connection with the given (or any other) animal…

Enjoy the New Year’s coming prompts.